It’s Mental Health Awareness Week this week. As you’ll have picked up from previous posts on this blog, I’ve struggled with my own mental health for a long time, though it’s only in the last few years that I’ve finally realised that’s what the problem has been (I can be very slow on the uptake).
So, in writing this post, I’m not pretending to be an expert or some lifelong campaigner on mental health. I’m not those; I’m just someone who’s struggled with it myself and occasionally comments on it in the hope it’ll be helpful to others.
But in any case, here’s my list of things I would wish for with regards to mental health (aside from all my problems with it being relieved instantly). Some of it might be a bit rant-y, I hope some of it will be positive, I hope all of it will be helpful. Here goes!
- We all have mental health, just the same as we all have physical health. How good or bad they are will vary, but “mental health” doesn’t equate to “mental illness”.
- You will know someone with mental health issues, likely without realising it. I almost guarantee it. Maybe they’re really good at hiding it, maybe it’s the person you’d least suspect. But you will.
- It is genuinely important to talk about our struggles with mental health. It’s not easy; but how many of us have struggled with this in some during the last year? And how many of us have wished we’d had someone to share it with? Talking about it can be nerve-wracking, but just the burden of having got it off your shoulders, of having released those words can make such a big difference.
- But that means people need to be prepared to listen. And this is where I get a bit militant. “Listening” here doesn’t mean instantly offering advice, jumping in to help or anything like that. It might mean saying nothing at all. It will almost certainly mean hearing stuff that’s uncomfortable or perhaps scary about someone you love. But that person needs to know most of all that they’ve been heard without passing judgement or offering advice. And it’s only by there being more wonderful people who are prepared to listen in that way (and there are already many) that people struggling with their mental health will find it possible to talk. If it freaks you out, the chances are it’s already freaking them out.
- The gap between reality and my head’s perception of reality. I know things aren’t as bad as I’m making out. I know in a moment of clarity I’ll understand what’s really going on. I know that stuff that happened long ago in the past doesn’t matter. But my head says it does; and that’s not going to change easily. Please bear with me while I try and readjust.
- Dealing with mental health struggles isn’t a straight line from problem to cure. I’ve been on meds for nearly 3 years and have had two courses of CBT. All of these have been immensely helpful and have helped me gain some real victories. But there have also been setbacks and times when I’ve gone backwards. New problems have suddenly appeared like massive spiders that suddenly appear from nowhere one morning in the bath.
- “Think Positive”. If only it were that easy. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can’t – and I use “can” and “can’t” advisedly there; it genuinely feels like there’s something stopping me from doing so. Please don’t say this to someone with mental health issues; the problem isn’t them just being a pessimist.
- Facebook “inspirational” pictures/quotes/posts: AAAAAAGGGGHHHH! Should be banned. Come on, Zuckerburg!
- There’s no quick fix to a lot of this stuff. I think that’s what I’m getting at in these last few posts.
- Misusing mental health language. OCD isn’t about having to have everything really neat or whatever; it’s a scary condition where your head presents you with all kinds of nasty, dark intrusive thoughts which you try and control by compulsive behaviours (tidying up, washing hands etc.); there may not even be any outward behaviours, but they can still have OCD (it’s called “pure ‘O’ OCD”, and it’ll take the form of thoughts, prayers, mental rituals etc.). Please, please don’t say you or someone else is or has OCD just because they’re extremely neat and tidy; there are plenty of other words that will do.
Oh, and please don’t jump to assume that someone who’s committed a terrible crime must have a mental illness. That’s one of the worst stereotypes around. Just because we don’t understand why someone’s done something appalling, doesn’t mean they’ve a mental health condition. - This can be especially bad with religious people. I am religious. I am a Christian, a minister in fact. But I have mental issues and, despite all my years of praying about them, they haven’t gone away: God’s not chosen to instantly heal me from them. And my anxiety isn’t because I don’t trust Jesus; I don’t fully understand why I have anxiety, though some of it’s related to what’s happened in the past. And yes, I do need the pills and no, taking them isn’t a sign of a lack of faith. A religious person having a broken leg doesn’t mean they don’t have faith; neither does them having a mental illness.
- “Helping” can mean all sorts of things. It might mean listening, as mentioned above. It might, sometimes, mean advising, pointing people in the right direction – as long as it’s done out of that true listening. It might just treating everything as normal, because that’s best going to help them. It probably doesn’t mean jumping in to do something for someone else, or treating them as completely incapable. Yes, ask if you can help, but there are times when you need to accept “no” as an answer.
Finally, because this has got a bit negative, in my own coming to terms with my mental health issues, there have been many, many wonderful people in real life and online, who’ve listened, put up with me, let me cry, been extraordinarily patient with me, even just read and liked one of my blog or Facebook posts. If that’s you then, thank you – it means so much. It can still be tough talking about this, but things have changed dramatically and for the better, so thank you for being part of that change.
Wandering Thoughts II - the Sequel 